


Unruly Heart

by musicals_musicals



Series: The Prom Stuff [2]
Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, Flashbacks, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, Songfic, the title sucks and im taking suggestions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 17:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17005623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicals_musicals/pseuds/musicals_musicals
Summary: Emma's whole world is crashing to the ground, Alyssa is gone, she has four broadways stars who have been spending their days on her grandmothers couch, and everything seems a bit hopeless. So she writes a song and posts it.





	Unruly Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the majority of this in a notebook during english class because I was so excited about the idea

Emma picked up her guitar with a sense of determination. She opened the drawer on her bedside table and dug through it until she found the paper she had hidden. Setting it up next to her computer so she could read it, even though she knew every word by heart. Opening her video app and taking a deep breath before hitting record.

_Some hearts can conform, fit in the norm. Flaunting their love for all to see_

The cheerleaders that walked past with a new guy every day. That day Emma got to school and couldn’t get to her locker because of a couple that was making out in front of it. The jealousy she used to feel whenever she found a couple making out, unsure about what it was actually directed at.

_I tried to change, thinking how easy life could be_

Talking about boys with her friends in eighth grade because that’s what fourteen year old girls are supposed to do. Picking a random name when someone asked who she had a crush on, because she didn’t feel that way about any of the boys in their grade. Kissing Mark something because according to Kaylee he had a crush on her and he was nice. Going on a date with Shelby’s cousin in ninth grade, deciding that this must be how everyone feels when they date, not one actually feels that rush of feelings that book characters talk about. It’s just fiction, like dragons and magic..

_I just kept on failing. I guess that was a sign. That there wasn't much hope, for this unruly heart of mine_

Emma pushing away Mark because he’s kissing her and his hands on her waist feel suffocating. Feeling infinitely uncomfortable when Shelby’s cousin leaned in to kiss her, because it never feels right. Avoiding boys who flirted with her because the idea of being close to them in a physical, loving way made her nauseous. The way she caught herself watching girls, watching Alyssa when she was supposed to be working.

_Then you came along and right or wrong, feelings began to overflow_

Alyssa sitting next to her that day in english. Alyssa not treating her like crap because of who she loved. The way Alyssa’s expression hardened when one of the football players “accidentally” hit Emma with his backpack. The way her eyes lit up when she laughed at one of Emma’s jokes. Alyssa’s hand resting hesitantly on top of Emma’s, in a way that could almost be an accident.

_We had to hide, thinking that no one else could know_

Alyssa smiling softly from across the hall before she was dragged away by her group of friends who would make fun of Emma behind her back. Their first date that happened in Emma’s bedroom because it was a small town and Alyssa didn’t want her mother to know. Alyssa leaving a cryptic note in Emma’s locker, telling her to meet in the band closet after school. Alyssa pulling Emma closer in the dark band closet in order to kiss her for the first time in weeks.

_And not having you near me was where I drew the line. So I had to conceal this poor unruly heart of mine_

Emma calling and calling Alyssa until her phone died because her parents just kicked her out thanks to their bigoted views and she doesn’t know what to do. Alyssa apologizing and giving the excuse that her mom had been watching her and she was super sorry. It was the same apology Emma heard every time and it was getting tiring. Alyssa pushing Emma away with more force then was strictly necessary because she thought that she heard Kaylee, and giving another one of the apologies that Emma was getting tired of.

_And though I don't know how or when, but somehow I learned to see. No matter what the world might say this heart is the best part of me_

Her grandmother calling her and taking her in because she heard about what happened, telling her stories about an old “friend” that reminded her of Emma. Talking about her roommate from college who had a girlfriend and sounded suspiciously like great Aunt Maggie who Emma’s mother always refused to talk about _._ Mr. Hawkins telling her that the prom was worth fighting for and that the PTA was wrong. The broadway stars with their misguided intentions who came all the way to help and showed her that there is nothing wrong with wanting to take Alyssa to the prom.

_So fear's all in the past. Fading so fast. I won't stay hidden any more. I'm who I am and I think that's worth fighting for_

The idea of standing up to the PTA and all the people who were against her. Changing something to make Indiana slightly better. The way Alyssa used to talk about standing up to her mom, quitting cheerleading, and finally telling her mom and so called friends what terrible people they could be. Everything about Alyssa that Emma loved. Everything about Alyssa that Emma wanted to fight for, her confidence, her intelligence, her heart.

_And nobody out there, ever gets to define. The life I'm meant to lead with this unruly heart of mine_

Dreams about kissing Alyssa in front of the school, finally being able to be open with the girl she loves. Finally showing everyone how wrong they are. Writing her song to share what has been happening and help other kids. The way she caught Barry looking at her with an expression of pride. Mr. Hawkins pulling her aside and telling her that no matter what happened he was with her and he was proud of what they had accomplished.

Emma finished the song and breathed in sharply. She was crying a little, but she wiped the tears away in order to post the video. Maybe no one would see it and nothing would happen, but at least she tried, at least there was a chance. Maybe Alyssa would see it.

**Author's Note:**

> Great Aunt Maggie was a raging lesbian and I love her. I'm on tumblr [@musicals-musicals](https://musicals-musicals.tumblr.com/) come yell at me about the prom


End file.
